When I split up with my long term boyfriend, I was left in a bit of a predicament. While I hadn't particularly cut myself off from my friends, I had accidentally fallen into the trap of ape ding a significant amount of time with him and less with them. I also was left with a low self esteem and confidence issues. These were not as a result of the break up and more a result of my own self awareness but still, the problem arose: what was I going to do now?
I find going clubbing absolutely repulsive. Being squashed inside a hot place where you can't talk just strikes me as absurd. The music is loud, the people are drunk and in some cases over the top and just irritate the shit out of me. Therefore finding someone in a club was out.Approaching someone in a bar or a cafe? Negative. I'm actually quite shy. I hate meeting new people. It makes me feel awkward, unsure of myself and just... Not happening.
It could have been possible to end up with a friend.... However, having been good close with my friends for a number of years, this didn't seem to have any potential m genuinely think that moving out of the friend zone would have been hard for all parties.
It was with some trepidation that I tapped the words 'free online dating' into google. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath before I dived in. Appropriate, giving that I joined Plenty Of Fish. Having filled out my profile it was a waiting game. It's always slightly nerve wracking wondering if you are going to get any messages? Is the person just judging from a picture? If you are a girl messaging a guy, are they going to judge you.
Online dating is a minefield. When I originally signed up I had a set of rules. No one younger than 21 and no one over 33. A person looking for a relationship, a commitment, not just a casual thing. Despite this, as the first messages pinged into my inbox, I found myself replying to all of them. I mean, it's rude not to yes? Unfortunately not all men think the same and don't reply but c'est la vie. One can only assume that they are so busy and inundated that they've missed me. I quickly realised that text speak is really annoying and will Instantly switch me off.
It also becomes increasingly boring when every message contains just the word 'hello'. It's certainly uninspiring and puts you hugely off meeting someone. I've been fairly lucky to come across a host of lovely men who, while I may not have ended up dating them, I've spent a good deal of time talking to and occasionally having a bit of fun with. I've also met a fair amount of men who are odd. I've encountered a range of fetishes from feet to gunge to rubber, and had messages purely commenting on my figure and attributes.
From this site I've met 2 men in person. One lied about his age and then turned out to be a bully. He found it appropriate to make comments about my weight until I stopped eating because I thought he'd be displeased. I was regulating my food intake with thoughts of 'well, A wouldn't like this' so clearly he had to go. I also met a lovely band guy. We clicked on so many levels and being with him was good. He vanished without a trace one day never to be heard of again, after I'd spent a significant amount of time in his bed.
It saddens me that guys like that are out there. I'll be honest, I fall quite fast and if my boxes are ticked then I'm willing to make a commitment. It would be amazing to find a bloke who didn't play mind games, didn't feel like he needed to hide his feelings.
It really is a minefield out there.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Thursday, 24 January 2013
24 and over the hill?
This week it was drawn to my attention that my life hasn't taken the shape that young girls expect their 24 year old life to be in. This stemmed from a discussion with my incredibly bright top set students on Tuesday and I've been sort of formulations this blog post ever since.
When I was 13, I vaguely imagined that I would be engaged by now, getting married before I turned 25 and expecting a baby at 26. As I got a bit older, I could imagine it clearly. Aged 16, I knew that I'd be living in a large house with a back garden, a Wendy house for my children, perhaps a dog but certainly smaller animals like rabbits or even, if I was really lucky, chinchillas! I'd have a loving husband. We'd have moved in together post university and everything would have just fallen nicely into place. I even starting bandying around names for my children - although these have subsequently changed! Come 17, I had my first 'proper relationship'. Bloody good it was too. We got on well, we laughed together, had common interests. He challenged me, made me feel worth something. We survived one of the toughest challenges of a young relationship, as we both went through uni and he even lived on a different continent for a while. Life was peachy. My dream was so tangible, I had even, in my head, painted our bedroom in neutral, calming colours and styled it like the sea.
18 flew by. 19. 20, 21, 22, 23... Then crash. Everything changed. Things we t over night from being comfortable and cosy to awkward and just friend like. It was a blow certainly but it was with the best of intentions we parted. Life as I knew it, my imagined, perceived inevitability was gone. Looking back now, a year and a bit past the event, I realise that we needed it. It was a very mutual thing and while we have our differences now, I don't begrudge him his happy new life with someone else... Although a little honesty might have been appreciated. C'est la vie huh?
So here I sit, aged 24 and a half. I'm in the reclining chair, there's a dog by my side and across the room? My mam on the sofa with the other dog. I've never left home s there's that part of the ideal life gone. I can't afford due to recession and uncertain job markets to get myself to a place of my own.its too unstable to make that commitment. At least here I am paying no rent and just contribute towards my food. I'm still in the bedroom that was my nursery although the decor is somewhat changed.
Engaged? Not likely. I made a foray into the world of online dating (perhaps that is a whole other blogpost) and have spoken to several men. Some of them suitable, some not. Some of the. Polite, interesting and down right weird as conversation progressed! Needless to say, this hasn't led to a long term relationship. Perhaps I'm scared of being hurt again? Perhaps I just don't have the confidence to go along with dates. Who knows but there is that part of the dream ripped up and shredded.
Children? Well that comes along with the engagement really. I've always said no children before marriage.
However, despite all of that and the sadness that has come with it, I'm fairly happy with my little life. I've had a series of confidence boosts from a series of lovely people. I'm in a better financial position than a lot of people I know. I still have my family. I've still got 3 living grandparents. I'm alive, I'm breathing and you know what? Perhaps that's all dreams of the future should be? Happy, healthy and not so refined? Life is supposed to be an adventure and nothing ever goes according to plan.
When I was 13, I vaguely imagined that I would be engaged by now, getting married before I turned 25 and expecting a baby at 26. As I got a bit older, I could imagine it clearly. Aged 16, I knew that I'd be living in a large house with a back garden, a Wendy house for my children, perhaps a dog but certainly smaller animals like rabbits or even, if I was really lucky, chinchillas! I'd have a loving husband. We'd have moved in together post university and everything would have just fallen nicely into place. I even starting bandying around names for my children - although these have subsequently changed! Come 17, I had my first 'proper relationship'. Bloody good it was too. We got on well, we laughed together, had common interests. He challenged me, made me feel worth something. We survived one of the toughest challenges of a young relationship, as we both went through uni and he even lived on a different continent for a while. Life was peachy. My dream was so tangible, I had even, in my head, painted our bedroom in neutral, calming colours and styled it like the sea.
18 flew by. 19. 20, 21, 22, 23... Then crash. Everything changed. Things we t over night from being comfortable and cosy to awkward and just friend like. It was a blow certainly but it was with the best of intentions we parted. Life as I knew it, my imagined, perceived inevitability was gone. Looking back now, a year and a bit past the event, I realise that we needed it. It was a very mutual thing and while we have our differences now, I don't begrudge him his happy new life with someone else... Although a little honesty might have been appreciated. C'est la vie huh?
So here I sit, aged 24 and a half. I'm in the reclining chair, there's a dog by my side and across the room? My mam on the sofa with the other dog. I've never left home s there's that part of the ideal life gone. I can't afford due to recession and uncertain job markets to get myself to a place of my own.its too unstable to make that commitment. At least here I am paying no rent and just contribute towards my food. I'm still in the bedroom that was my nursery although the decor is somewhat changed.
Engaged? Not likely. I made a foray into the world of online dating (perhaps that is a whole other blogpost) and have spoken to several men. Some of them suitable, some not. Some of the. Polite, interesting and down right weird as conversation progressed! Needless to say, this hasn't led to a long term relationship. Perhaps I'm scared of being hurt again? Perhaps I just don't have the confidence to go along with dates. Who knows but there is that part of the dream ripped up and shredded.
Children? Well that comes along with the engagement really. I've always said no children before marriage.
However, despite all of that and the sadness that has come with it, I'm fairly happy with my little life. I've had a series of confidence boosts from a series of lovely people. I'm in a better financial position than a lot of people I know. I still have my family. I've still got 3 living grandparents. I'm alive, I'm breathing and you know what? Perhaps that's all dreams of the future should be? Happy, healthy and not so refined? Life is supposed to be an adventure and nothing ever goes according to plan.
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