When I split up with my long term boyfriend, I was left in a bit of a predicament. While I hadn't particularly cut myself off from my friends, I had accidentally fallen into the trap of ape ding a significant amount of time with him and less with them. I also was left with a low self esteem and confidence issues. These were not as a result of the break up and more a result of my own self awareness but still, the problem arose: what was I going to do now?
I find going clubbing absolutely repulsive. Being squashed inside a hot place where you can't talk just strikes me as absurd. The music is loud, the people are drunk and in some cases over the top and just irritate the shit out of me. Therefore finding someone in a club was out.Approaching someone in a bar or a cafe? Negative. I'm actually quite shy. I hate meeting new people. It makes me feel awkward, unsure of myself and just... Not happening.
It could have been possible to end up with a friend.... However, having been good close with my friends for a number of years, this didn't seem to have any potential m genuinely think that moving out of the friend zone would have been hard for all parties.
It was with some trepidation that I tapped the words 'free online dating' into google. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath before I dived in. Appropriate, giving that I joined Plenty Of Fish. Having filled out my profile it was a waiting game. It's always slightly nerve wracking wondering if you are going to get any messages? Is the person just judging from a picture? If you are a girl messaging a guy, are they going to judge you.
Online dating is a minefield. When I originally signed up I had a set of rules. No one younger than 21 and no one over 33. A person looking for a relationship, a commitment, not just a casual thing. Despite this, as the first messages pinged into my inbox, I found myself replying to all of them. I mean, it's rude not to yes? Unfortunately not all men think the same and don't reply but c'est la vie. One can only assume that they are so busy and inundated that they've missed me. I quickly realised that text speak is really annoying and will Instantly switch me off.
It also becomes increasingly boring when every message contains just the word 'hello'. It's certainly uninspiring and puts you hugely off meeting someone. I've been fairly lucky to come across a host of lovely men who, while I may not have ended up dating them, I've spent a good deal of time talking to and occasionally having a bit of fun with. I've also met a fair amount of men who are odd. I've encountered a range of fetishes from feet to gunge to rubber, and had messages purely commenting on my figure and attributes.
From this site I've met 2 men in person. One lied about his age and then turned out to be a bully. He found it appropriate to make comments about my weight until I stopped eating because I thought he'd be displeased. I was regulating my food intake with thoughts of 'well, A wouldn't like this' so clearly he had to go. I also met a lovely band guy. We clicked on so many levels and being with him was good. He vanished without a trace one day never to be heard of again, after I'd spent a significant amount of time in his bed.
It saddens me that guys like that are out there. I'll be honest, I fall quite fast and if my boxes are ticked then I'm willing to make a commitment. It would be amazing to find a bloke who didn't play mind games, didn't feel like he needed to hide his feelings.
It really is a minefield out there.
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